distance and longing

If there's one thing I wish to change about the world...I'll make it a smaller one where the words "distance" or to be more specific "miles" would never be known to Mr. Webster.

Of course this sentiment has got to do with just my sentimental self again.

Melancholy and wistful sentiments cluttered my thoughts last night before I slumbered the night away. Ate informed me that Mumi (taken from the word "mommy" and is our pet name to our maternal grandma was confined in the hospital for dizziness due to inadequate hemoglobin in the blood. She's doing better but just the same we can't help but worry on our 80-yr old lola. Albeit aged, she's still active and can move around doing the usual household activities with her senile weakness limited only to frequent complaints of joint pains and poor visibility. Mentally and physically wise, she's still an energetic lola. She can even manage to travel by herself on a bus from Isabela to Manila, notwithstanding the 9 long hours tiring trip. Sometimes, she can still be so adventurous to brave dangersome Quiapo by herself after which she gets "scolded" and reminded by my sister when she gets home. Well everyone knows how such places are infested with evil elements and innocent and trusting rural dwellers from the province are the usual victims.

She's the only grand folk we've got as the other 3 (paternal grandparents and maternal lolo) have long passed away. I just hope that she's feeling and doing better this time. We just simply want the best for her. I don't want to entertain some thoughts...basta...just all the best for her.

If Isabela was not placed on the northern part and was just situated right beside Quezon City, I would have rushed to my ailing Lola last night. Yeah..distance.

As they say, one is vulnerable to deeper depression when you get frustrated over some things you wish to do but you just can not...not that you don't want but there's just simply no way for it to be done.

Distance and miles and miles apart...these same words that describe Saudi and the Philippines, Qatar and the Philippines, Isabela and Manila, Makati and Quezon City, Makati and Pasig City. Whew! Who are to be connected with these places?

My dad and stepmom - Saudi

Mumi, Mama, Mac (stepbro) and Uncle - Isabela

Ate Maila (eldest sister) - Qatar

Ate Tetet (elder sister) - Pasig

Rely (youngest bro) - Makati

Me & hubby - dwells in Makati & QC alternately scheduled on weekdays

Sad truly, but that's how it is. We are fragmented. Our family is geographically detached. While it is nobody's choice, everyone of us have our own reasons, own goals for us to live up with. It never was easy and I'm sure our abode in Makati surely feels the emptiness as that each and everyone of us feels.

As previously blogged on my father's day post, for almost two decades, I've been living my life in a broken family. My growing up years consisted of us, my sisters, my brother and stepmom trying to complete each other's emptiness as our dad has spent most of his time abroad. Surely, we did complete each other but then still, there's this fact that we are not complete because of one's physical absence. No matter how I psyched myself that dad has a purpose for working abroad and it is for everyone's good, no matter how I condition my thoughts that it is for everyone's benefit that my mom has to live in the province, no matter how I try to accept the fact that my eldest sister has her own married life to attend to in Qatar, no matter how I console myself that my other ate has also some business career to look after to in Pasig, no matter how I try to get adjusted fully to my married life and thus with the reason of my leaving our beloved abode in Makati..still, can't help it, the longing for parental touch and family care has always been there. Wala namang anak at kapatid na naghangad mawalay sa kanyang mga magulang at pamilya, di ba? and same goes..the other way around.

I just miss my family so much. How I wish I can bridge all the distances that keeping us apart. How I wish to rewind time and bring back my wedding day where we were all complete. If there's one wedding gift I'm truly grateful was that, differences and pride were set aside between my folks...and thus with this:

I wish that day never ended. It was the first time ever in my life to experience that..and I was extremely overjoyed! Yes, it was the first time ever and I hope it won't be the last.

**************************************************

On a lighter note, record ever ng blog ko ang entry ko the other day for having the most number of comments..thereby, being the hottest topic ever. Palibhasa kasi sex-related and baby-making kaya pati mga pinasintabi kong mga minors diyan, hala sige basa at comment galore sila.